you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize