Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
