I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
