Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just had sex on a roof
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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