So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
