I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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