did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
