What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
