im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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