I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
