apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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