I just saw a hot homeless man
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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