Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
