Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
