All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Please, let me fuck your mom
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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