dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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