She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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