I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
