so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
