His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
