We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
