I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
