So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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