So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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