WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
