i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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