i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
