So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
