just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize