She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
