is your mom at the bar?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
