Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
