I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize