omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
