White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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