After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet he comes in French.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
