remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
