you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
