She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
