I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
