I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
