Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
