that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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