I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
