My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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