Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
