as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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