i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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