when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
