My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
