Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
