Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
