no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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