you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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