i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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