2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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