Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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