I'm lost and stupid without you.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize
