they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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