i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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