my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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