i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
