Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
